


ILYS - 'Bad Ending'

by WishStone



Series: The Fork In The Road [1]
Category: Persona 4
Genre: Chapter warnings, F/M, Scraps, kannao - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-07-10 14:06:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6988033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WishStone/pseuds/WishStone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ILYS used to be a lot more destructive than it turned out in the end. The story diverged a lot after Chapter Five, and Chapters Six and Seven (and subsequently Eight) only came to be thanks to intervention from Ikasury. At the time of writing ILYS I was in a bad place, and writers do cruel things to their characters... This "Bad End" is much closer to the intended ending I had in mind at first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ILYS - Chapter 6

She dropped her book bag at the door, kicking it shut behind her. Quick steps took her right to the window and, much as expected, there was Kanji Tatsumi. He had his book bag at his feet, leaning with his back against the wall of a small convenience store across the road. She was fairly certain he did not know which of the windows in her building showed her rooms, but he simply seemed to scan the entire building, taking it all in.

He had mentioned that someone had asked him to look after her. Who? Who would send him on such a fools errant? Firstly, no one she could think of would care either way. Secondly, no one who might possibly care knew of her inner turmoil.

Further, who would have enough power over the young man that he solemnly would follow her around, watching her every move like this?  Could she hope that Yu-senpai actually had…? Did he still care enough to make sure he had someone watching over her? Surely Kanji would do this if Yu had asked him. Gladly even, because who wouldn’t wish to do what Yu asked with that soothing, calm voice when he talked to you…

Her phone rang and she quickly glanced at the display. Kujikawa. She ignored it.

The idol had started to make herself a nuisance. Part of the reason Naoto would spend more and more time in her apartment was that these four walls were the last sanctuary she had from the idol. She would attempt to ambush her on her way to school, in the building and when leaving. She had to adjust her routes five times already to ensure she could at least walk in peace. However, this was still foiled by Tatsumi, who seemed to find her no matter what she tried.

She turned again, looking outside.

And froze.

Tell-tale twin-tails informed her that Kanji was now talking to Kujikawa. She could tell even with her back turned to the building. Kanji started to straighten up slowly. He shook his head several times, now and again glancing at the building, then took a step back, away from the idol.

The junior detective frowned, moving her blinds a bit so she could see better.

The meddlesome idol punched his chest with two first and pointed at the apartment complex wildly. He turned away and scowled. Shook his head. She stomped her foot, slapping his arm.  He flung both of his wide and Naoto would hear through the closed window: “She’s fine, okay? Leave her be!”

The high-pitched voice of the idol skipped as she raised her voice, too. “ _Fine_? She’s anything but! Do something!”

His shoulders hunched forward again and he looked away. Their voices dropped and Naoto was unable to hear. Should she open the window? They must be discussing her.

Why is Kujikawa getting involved now? What more did she want of her? She already claimed Yu, and that thought alone pieced her to the bone, why was she trying to obsess over her now?

She saw the idol try to stand in front of his gaze, forcing him to look at her, but he kept turning away. Finally, he grabbed her by both shoulders and roared, loud enough to hear again. “Don’t you think I KNOW? Don’t you think I am worried sick already?!” There was a beat of silence. And they _embraced_.

Naoto’s jaw set and she turned from the window. She already had Yu. Was he not enough? Did the sweet teen idol require so much attention she needed more than just him? She would never treat him like that. She would never- Pointless. Let them try to mettle. She was exhausted.

Slouching through her living room, she walked into her kitchen, getting hot watcher for fresh coffee. She had homework to do. And there were some case files Grampa had send. She should also possibly run some laundry. She had things to do. If only she could stay awake.  Or maybe she should just sleep early. She wasn’t sure yet. But some coffee would help.

Her phone rang. She ignored it. She had to ignore it several times, as a matter of fact, while waiting for her water to boil. Or close enough to a boil, anyhow. _No need to scald myself._

She glanced at her phone to see the time, pointedly ignoring the list of missed calls by Kujikawa. Late afternoon. Where was Yu now? What would he be doing? Was he thinking of her like she was thinking of him? For the tenth time today she wondered if she should just send him a quick message. Nothing too soppy, naturally. Just something short. Just a reminder she was his.

That she was waiting for him.

That she missed him.

That she loved him.

Adding several spoonsful of sugar to her cup, Naoto sat down in her living room. She simply stared at her cup for a long while, stirring it while she let her thoughts drift from one random image to the next.  The sheer overwhelming number of nightmares she kept having added up more and more inside of her. Her Shadow had become a nightly companion. And each dream ended with the one, the obvious answer.

She reached under her jacket and started unfasten her holster. School officials would surely not be too impressed of they knew she started to wear it to school. Algernon was still at home, but its holster gave her a sense of comfort. She knew she had the weapon. Knew she could still take the needed steps, if her Shadow had been right and there was no more reason to… Well.

Again her phone rang. A different ringtone, one she did not recognise. She should not have allowed Kujikawa to adjust her personal settings half a year ago. She glanced at the phone on her table and saw the display show ‘Tatsumi’.

She took a long, slow drink from her mug and stood, cradling the mug, as she peered outside.

Tatsumi held his phone to his ear, waiting. The ringing stopped, there was a brief perking-up of his posture. He had reached her voice mail. His shoulders sank. He shook his head and turned to Kujikawa, who whirled around and shouted “NAOTO-KUN!” at the top of her lungs, “ANSWER YOUR PHONE!”

A neighbour, who finally had enough, opened his window and shouted at them to be quiet.

Naoto turned from the window once more and dropped to her couch. She reached for her phone and turned it off to the day. No one of importance would call her, and she had no desire to be bothered by these two any longer.  _I am so tired of it._  Maybe she should fall back on using the sleeping pills she started to use after her return from the abduction. The pills killed her dreaming, and she would just pass out and wake up the next day.

She drained her mug, set it down and got up, walking into her bathroom. Digging through her medication packages, she found she had two different sleeping aids to choose from. She grabbed both and walked back into her living room. She dropped the boxes on the table before turning and walking back into her kitchen. She would need more coffee to wash down the pills.

Out in the hallway, she heard someone bang open the door to the hallway, then barrel down it. The running stopped and there was banging on her door. " _Naoto_?"

Kanji. One day he might learn to reign his strength in just a bit.

The ‘ _knocking_ ’ repeated. She continued to ignore it.

It simply continued. "Naoto? I know yer’re home, c’mon!" The knocking kept repeating, but he no longer called out. The force of his knocks subsided as she brewed her coffee and returned to her couch, sitting down. As she started to pop two pills each from the bubble-packs, she heard repeated knocking and variations on the theme of “answer your door”.

She didn’t want him. She didn’t want anyone. She wanted to be mistaken about Kujikawa and Yu. She wanted to no longer feel the barbed wire in her gut whenever she thought of either of them.

She caught the lie and closed her eyes. She did want someone. She wanted Yu. She wanted him near her, holding her, keeping her warm just one more night.

Staring at the pills in her hand, Naoto waited the young man at her door out. Somehow knowing Kanji stood outside made her hesitate. He needed to be gone first.

When she finally heard retreating footsteps, she cupped the pills in her hand and popped them into her mouth, draining her coffee. She wasn’t sure what the actual dosage should be, but it was a Saturday, she could sleep in tomorrow.

As she felt herself drift off, her thoughts returned to Yu-senpai, and she cried herself to sleep.

 


	2. ILYS - Chapter 7

She was exhausted. Naoto barely held up her umbrella, clinging to it as she shuffled home. Her last few days had consisted of a ‘diet’ of caffeine and sugar. She could not recall a night she had not cried herself to sleep. And she was certain her academics slipped. Grampa had called and she had missed it, his message in her voice box untouched out of fear what he might have to say about cutting her deadlines very short these days.

It was hard. It was hard to try and keep herself engaged in Inaba when everything here resonated with the memories of her senpai.

She needed to escape this place, she knew it, too, but she had yet to find her way out. The one escape she knew of - the one her Shadow showed her every night - was the extreme, the absolute last. Surely there was another way…

Her mind had been fully adrift when she reached her bus stop near the old town centre. An older woman in a modest kimono struggled to exit the bus that had pulled to a halt just in front of her and her polite Shirogane upbringing engaged on its own. Naoto hurried a few steps closer, lifting her umbrella for the woman and offered her hand.

"Oh, you are wonderful, dear, could you take my bag?"

She leaned forward and handed the young woman a sturdy linen shopping bag. Naoto took it and transferred it to her other hand, now lifting both the bag and the umbrella. She reached out once more, offering her hand to help the lady exit the bus. Her manners kicked into gear and she smiled at ... Tatsumi-san. Her smile froze.

"Thank you, dearie. My, but I am glad this isn't proper silk, it would be utterly ruined by now." With a face used to smiles, she wiped a few rain drops from her brow.

“Tatsumi-san? Isn't your son generally the one to pick up the shopping? I remember him once mentioning such…"

The woman stopped, blinked at Naoto over the rim of her glasses, and recognition was added to the smile. "Why, it is Naoto-kun! Yes, generally he would, but he gave a class for a small group of children today, so it made sense to have him mind the store while I went out. But he was right, I should have brought my umbrella..."

The junior Shirogane nodded. "I understand. Then, please, allow me to walk you home. It would be remiss of me to simply let you walk home in the rain."

"If you would? Oh, thank you, dear."

With this, Naoto hefted her briefcase back under her arm, shifted the umbrella and gestured for the woman to lead.

They were half-way to her home, when the woman spoke up. "Naoto-kun... I'm sorry, I do not mean to be nosey..."

"Yes, Tatsumi-san?"

They walked a few meters in silence. "I noticed Kanji brought two lunches into school a few times now." Naoto's feet stopped for a breath before falling back into their normal rhythm. "And when I asked him about it, be grew very defensive. He does not get that way, unless he is doing something nice for someone. And now that I can see you up close, dear..." A small, wiry hand slipped out of her long sleeves and she gently grasped Naoto's arm. "I can see when someone is not eating well." She slowed, making Naoto halt as well. The younger sullenly stared ahead, unsure she could keep her composure around the older woman. Who, with a very soft voice asked, "Or sleeping well. Is there a problem?"

The detective frowned at the ground. "No problem, Tatsumi-san. I've not had an appetite. Not that your son would believe me."

"Is that so...?"

Naoto turned her head at the curious tone of the woman's voice. A tiny smile played around her lips and an odd glow shone in her eyes. The girl sighed. "I am not quite sure what you are implying. Yes, your son has shared a few meals with me." She set them back into motion, and the hand on her arm moved away. "I cannot fathom his motive in this matter. I had not requested his help."

"My Kanji-chan does what he does for his own reasons, Naoto-kun."

“He was nothing but polite," she admitted reluctantly. She would not add her other thoughts of overly protective behaviour entering the realms of obsessive observation of her movements or his irritating habit of not budging when she asked him to.

The nod his mother gave her comment was a pleased one. "Good. He always is good to those he cares about," she put up a finger, "and abrasive. Why, these days, I get the feeling if he does not yell at me, that I have done something wrong." With that, she slid open the door to her store and called out, "Kanji-chan, I am home!"

Kanji, wearing a store apron, turned sideways from measuring out some cloth and smiled for the fragment of a second, before he saw Naoto and froze.

She turned her head, trying to not let the brief gaze sink into her memory. She did not need the mixture of longing and surprise to set root.

"I am home?" Tatsumi-san repeated.

"Huh?" He blinked, then turned his eyes back to his mother. "Ah! Yeah. We-Welcome home, Ma." He scrambled to his feet, hurried over to take the shopping from her and gave Naoto a brief nod and a grunt.

"Well then, I will-" The junior Shirogane froze as a loud thunderclap rolled through town.

"A storm? They didn't say there would be a storm, and this early in the year?" Kanji's mother leaned back outside and gave a small start as everything turned purple and bright yellow in the distance. "Oh my, this won't do." She slid the door shut in front of Naoto and started to take the umbrella out of her hands. "Well, I meant to invite you for dinner as a thank-you anyhow and it seems the gods have given me another reason to not send you home just yet."

"Ah. I..."  _Think_! "I appreciate the offer, Tatsumi-san, but I really ought to not impose any longer."

"Nonsense! You are one of Kanji-chan's friends and you gave up your chance on getting home before the storm by helping me get back here safe and dry. Please. It's been months since we had a guest over."

The girl turned her head and glanced at the floor. "I..." Her voice ran out. It would be rude to refuse too strongly, no matter what she actually wanted or not. And Tatsumi-san was not involved in her current private dilemma. If anything, she had been most accommodating towards her in any and all of their interactions. She nodded and bowed to the woman and mumbled, "I would be glad to accept your kind offer."

"That's a good girl. Now, take off your shoes and let me find you a pair of my house shoes; our floors can get breezy."

As she vanished into the back, Naoto pulled off her shoes and looked around. Nothing indicated that there had been a class previously, but she had seen him give these classes before. He was meticulous in his work and imprinted his ethics of order into the children he worked with. Everything was kept in five storage totes that she assumed he kept hidden in the back somewhere, and everything in these had its place and function. She would not find stray items from his classes.

She fondly remembered an afternoon during which she had come here with Yu to watch Nanako. It was early in their relationship and she still struggled with his attention. Every gaze of his made her blush and lose track of what she wished to say, everything he did seemed too enticing and Nanako loving her so deeply and freely made it easier to be drawn to her cousin.

The ache in her chest returned with vigour.

Tatsumi-san returned and placed a pair of comfortable-looking slippers before her. "Now, these are a winter pair, so if these feel too warm, you can take them off, but I am getting into the age where I need more warmth myself."

"Please, Tatsumi-san," Naoto replied embarrassed, tucking her cap, "you are not old."

She laughed delightedly. "And now you sound like my son. Come upstairs, it will be much warmer in the kitchen."

Naoto allowed her to lead, hearing her chatter at the corner of her mind, but not paying it any real attention. Because she had just realised that having dinner with Kanji Tatsumi's mother meant she would be having dinner with Kanji Tatsumi.

"Kanji-chan, your friend will be here for dinner, do we have something we could stretch to make work for three of us?"

A clatter, a few heavy steps, then he peered around the door frame with wide-open eyes. "How'd ya old bat make her-"

"Kanji! Really! What can we make?"

He shook his head, blinked and apologised hurriedly. "Sorry, Ma. Eer. I had planned ta make curry tonight, actually, 's quick and I had thought we could put leftovers away. So, yeah. Got plenty for that." He scratched his neck and mumbled, not looking at his classmate. Naoto through she picked up 'Not that it matters'.

She nodded. "Since I am an unplanned guest, let me make myself useful. I assume I could start-"

"No, dear, you are our guest!"

"Please. Let me assist."

The woman looked from her to her son, who shrugged and made an odd gesture that Naoto wasn't sure she understood fully.

"If ya wanna. Yer 'kay with peelin' and cuttin’ the veggies?"

Naoto nodded, placed her briefcase and jacket over a chair and opened the buttons on her shirt sleeves to begin rolling them up. Kanji set out a knife and cutting board for her, while his mother turned to put away their shopping, which Kanji had simply put on the table previously.

Kanji and his mother chatted as they went about their tasks, but the cobalt-haired girl did not join in. She stole glances at the older woman and Kanji, who had started growing his bleached hair out, leaving him with the beginning of a darker layer of hair under his bleached and gelled hairdo.

Everything inside of her listed out to her why it was wrong to be here. Why it was not helping her find a solution to her needs and desires.

Her stomach cramped painfully as she remembered a similar night, in early November, when Yu and Nanako fixed up dinner. In the case of that specific night, there was more laughter and singing, mostly supplied by the little girl, but the situation, the familiar warmth of the setting, made her insides clench tightly.

She stared unseeing at the half an onion in front of her when she felt a hand on her upper arm. She turned to look up at Kanji. "Ma hates cuttin' those, too, want me ta-?"

She shook her head and started to cut the bulb into chunks. When her eyes watered it was only in part from the counter-attack of the onion.

Just as she wiped her cheek on her shoulder, a phone rang. Kanji turned and sprinted away into the hallway, then poked his head back into the kitchen only a moment later. "Ma? It's Amagi-san, askin' for ya."

"Goodness, at this time of day?" The woman left the rice and Kanji took over washing and rinsing it as she left.

The teens stood side-by-side, each quietly working. Naoto sniffed a few times, but if he suspected anything, he did not voice his thoughts to her. The muted conversation from the other room was drowned out by the running water and when he finally turned off the tap, Naoto only was able to hear the tail-end of a conversation.

"...can't let the poor dear have that on this special day, no. ... yes, of course I will. ... No, it will be fine. What? Oh... yes, that would be appreciated of course. Good. Good, thank you. I will be there soon."

Naoto handed her cutting board to Kanji, who took it from her, unseeing, as he turned to the door. His mother walked in, looking thoughtful.

"What did Amagi-san need?"

"Well, apparently there was a mishap with a wedding kimono earlier today that damaged the obi. I have agreed to come out and fix it as a rush order before the great day tomorrow."

"What?! Ya stupid old bat, you wanna go out in that?" Kanji flung his arm to the window.

His mother smiled much more fondly than anyone rightly should after such an inconsiderate insult. A hand cupped his cheek. "They are sending me a taxi, Kanji-chan. Be a good boy and go find my kit."

He glared a moment, then stomped out.

“See? If you are not on the tail end of his sharp tongue, you know he does not care. He is worried and his worry always comes out as anger." She smiled fondly at the doorway that her son had just passed through.

"I am sorry to see you leave already. You were the one to invite me. I should leave as well."

"Nonsense! Kanji would love to have you share a meal. Besides, depending on how the damage looks, I might not need to do much and will be back soon."

Again the mixture of insistence and request battered at her resolve. Staying here, alone with Kanji, could lead to having to address her request to not have him feed her yet again. While he was preparing to do exactly that. She frowned at the floor.

"I insist! Cook a nice dinner, set some out for me, and I will come back soon so I can eat what you two are cooking."

Naoto froze as a fond hand was placed on her head and the woman turned to leave as well.

Well. She was no chef, but even Naoto could boil some rice. She took the rinsed rice, measured out the water according to the amount of rice and set everything up to boil.

And after that... She looked around for the package of curry, trying to find the instructions, just as Kanji walked back in. "Ma's out." She simply continued on her task. It took a few moments before he spoke up again. "Look, Naoto..." She turned to see how he rubbed his neck. "I know yer mad at me or some'in'-"

"I am no such thing," she replied mildly.

His demeanour changed like lightning. His hand snapped to his side and he stood up taller. "Could've fooled me!" He pinched his eyes shut and rubbed his face. "No... sorry... I'm tryin'a say... I think you would rather not hang out with me, so if you wanna leave..."

The teens didn't look at one another for a while. Then Naoto shifted, her right hand sliding up her left arm till she gripped her shoulder there. "If your mother were to return soon, she would be disappointed if I had left already. I should wait with you for her to join us. At least for a while."

He pressed his lips together, then nodded and pulled a frilly apron from the peg on the wall. "Right. Okay, I'll get this started."

She nodded, watching him set out his utensils and ingredients. "Very well. I will start on our homework." He grunted and she hesitated, watching his back. She was a guest. She should offer something in return for their hospitality. "Seeing I will be here a while, I will... I would be... glad to assist you with yours."

"Thanks."

Silence settled in, punctuated by the small sounds of Kanji's cooking and Naoto's quiet review of her notes.

While she had said she would start on her homework, she found herself lacking her general measure of concentration. She found her eyes wandering all over the small, classic homely setting of the kitchen and her eyes kept sliding back to Kanji.

Where Yu had been oddly creative in his cooking, replacing ingredients on the spot, mixing in new flavours, joking and laughing... Kanji was... well... Much like she had seen him in his crafts classes, he seemed to assign everything to a spot and checked his material before he started cooking. He would not need to improvise, like Yu so often had to, because he did not run out of ingredients or forget to add something to the meal. He was ready. Prepared. She wondered what would happen if she stole the corn starch he used to dust the chunks of chicken before frying them, or what he would do if she claimed all the carrots had gone bad.

The longer she watched the blonde, the more she also knew that she missed Yu. Watching Kanji, she missed her senpai more than she had in days. She missed his even, quiet voice, the way just listening to him warmed her, the way he would smile at her and how it would make her ache for his touch.

In all of this she felt the pain over not being near Yu. It was wrong to be in the Tatsumi home like she was now and feel even a moment of contentment. And yet, that was what happened. As she watched the boy cook, she relaxed, leaning on the table, and still missing the man she had given herself to.

For a moment she toyed with the idea once more to just call Yu. Find out how he had been. Tell him she missed him. Ask him why he had not left her a birthday message. Or told her he loved her since New Year's.

The phone rang and Kanji went to answer it. Naoto tried to re-focus on her work and ignored the conversation. When he came back, he sounded annoyed. "Shoddy craftsmanship. Ma said she'll need to put some hours into that obi to make sure it'll at least hold till the ceremony is over."

Naoto made a non-committal sound.

"Ya like some tea?"

Naoto blinked and looked up. "Pardon?"

"Tea? Would you like some?"

"Oh. I..." She pressed her lips together and shook her head.

"Ah. ‘kay."

Silence returned and she realised she was staring at her phone on the table. Just a text message perhaps. Just something short? "You are still important to me" perhaps. She would even spell it out for him, literally. Maybe tell him she considered to transfer schools. Come out to him, so she could be closer. So she could be his fully. So he would not need to ever look at another girl, ever again.

However long her thoughts had been drifting, it was long enough for Kanji to join her at the table with a pot of brewed tea and two thick cups.

"I did not ask for any tea."

He paused in mid-sitting and pressed both his eyes shut and his lips together, "Yeah. I know. Still got ya a cup." He sat.

Naoto flicked her eyes up. In a low, dangerous tones she said, "You are doing it again."

Kanji glanced at her, looking tired. "Doin' what, Naoto?"

She put the pencil in her hand down before she broke it by clenching her hand into a fist. "You wilfully ignoring my wishes."

"Willf- What?!"

Taking off her cap and running her hand through her hair, she just sighed.

"I ain't never willfully ignored anythin' ya said to me!"

Naoto scoffed.

"What? I'm... I-!" Naoto jumped when his fists banged on the table and set everything on it bouncing up a few centimetres. "Damnit, Naoto! What is wrong with you?”

She glared at the ground and muttered, “Nothing. Nothing is wrong.”

“Yeah, an’ I’d look killer as a _Maiko_.”

She actually had to catch a laugh at that and turned to look at him. If blocking him wouldn’t work, maybe she could get herself kicked out of the house. “I am certain you would. I always thought a bit of make-up did wonders for you.” She stood taller, facing him directly. “Then again, I know all about your Shadow,” she lied, smiling happily, “so wearing dresses must be something you really want.”

He hunched his back and seemed to shudder. “Yosuke-senpai put you up to this crap.”

A good guess, he was the one who hinted the most at the sexual nature of his Shadow, which either was cross-dressing or into homoerotic goings-on. “No, he really did not need to. You staged that quite well yourself. Mind, if you wish to get some tips on how to dress up, you should confer with your friend Kujikawa.”

Here he barked a mirthless laugh. “Yeah, she’d be all over that, might even give me some damn room to back off. Told her that pesterin’ ya-“ He bit off the last words of that sentence and turned away from her. “I didn’t wanna risk it,” he muttered. “But whatever. Ya wanna go, go. Can’t stop the  _mighty_  detective prince from urgent business or whatever. Maybe ya wanna go pine some more ‘bout senpai.”

A certain unease spread throughout her at those words. He had known. He had _known_ about Yu-senpai. Maybe he knew even more than she herself had let herself see. Boys gossip, sometimes worse than girls. What had he learned?

His hands grasped the countertop. "Ya said yer wanted ta go. If ya promise ta be safe, go."

She walked up behind him and tried to steel herself. "First you will explain what you just implied."

“I  _implied_  nothin’.” He reached over to the stove and turned it off, scoffing.

“Nonsense. The way you just said- What do you mean _, pine about senpai_?”

He growled, "Oh, come on, Naoto. Just how dumb do you think I am?"

She grabbed his arm and hauled, making him turn to face her. He had known! She could see it in his eyes, pity and hurt and distaste all mingled together.  "Why bring it up? Why now? Why do you even  _care_? Why would you even bother getting involved in this?" The questions just spilled out of her, her need to find an answer, an explanation for what Yu had done to her, and maybe he had found out.

Kanji’s hands snapped to her shoulders and held on tightly. “Why I bother? Why did you think I bother?” His voice steadily rose, starting to yell at her. “Do you think I care for watching all my friends getting jerked around, one by one? Did you think I  _liked_  seeing him pick up and dump Yukiko-senpai? Shit, Naoto, I’ve known her since I was a kid! Or Rise, huh? We’re neighbours, I see her every damn day, we go to school together! She… damnit, she was the one cheering for me! Still is, still tryin’a get me ta fess up.”

“She cheered  _what_?” Naoto spat, “Clearly not your academic progress. You seem to forget everything I tried so hard to funnel into your brain as a favour to senpai!”

His grin was strained, she knew she managed to hurt him. "Yeah, I ain’t the smartest. Don’t know a lot’a stuff. Forget most school nonsense.” He leaned in on her and growled, “I do know what I feel for ya tho."

Her eyes narrowed. “What?”

“Someone remind me why they think you’re the genius,” he rumbled. He gave her a long, hard stare, then bent forward and kissed her.

There was nothing sweet, nothing romantic, nothing gentle about the action. It was a claiming, a taking, and she very much objected to it. Roughly she pushed him away. “Stop it, Kanji-kun. You are… you are not making sense.” It had, however, taken some of her fight. She tried to turn away, only to feel his hands slip; his grip tightening on her arms.

“Sense?!” When she nodded, he laid his head back and started to laugh, “Yer damn right I ain’t making any sense. Not made any sense since  _Naoto Shirogane_  pranced into my life!”

“I do not  _prance_ -“

Kanji scooped her up into his arms and kissed her again, rougher. “I don’t care anymore,” he mumbled against her lips, “I don’t care. You’re everything to me, everything I could want, everything I need, and I’ll be damned if I let you go,” he stopped with a grunt, taking a series of kicks and punches from her and turned to pin her to the wall. “And he took you from me, he damned well _knew_ and he just went for it!”

She bit him, but it wasn’t as raw as she had wanted it to be. Punched him, but felt herself soften the blow.  He pulled back, but only enough to shift her higher back up against the wall, his brow pressed up against hers. “Release me,” she growled.

“No. He left. He used you, an’ Rise, an’ Yukiko, an’ who knows who else an’ now’s gone.” Another rough kiss, another bite and he just chuckled. “But he doesn’t deserve ya. Ya think that’s all there is, but that’s not it. Not everyone’s like that.  _I’m_  not like that.”

She hissed a breath. His words stung, listing her in the same breath with the other girls, she needed to get away.

His hands simply tightened against her, he simply held her closer, his mouth on her neck. “I’ve been crazy about ya for a year now. His loss. Fuck him. But if you think I’ll just let you go, if you think I’ll just give up-“ He grunted, her last kick connected her knee to his stomach and broke them apart.

She pushed herself away from the wall and shuddered. There was something familiar about all of this. Something she sensed she wanted, while rejecting it, because it wasn’t Yu. But what if Kanji was right? What if Yu had rid himself of her? What if all she was doing was struggling fruitlessly, trying to win something that was no there?

She slapped his hand away as he tried to reach for her, slapped the other away seconds later. “Why are you doing this?”

“I told ya, damnit! I’m crazy about you. All I wanted for months now was to hold ya, make ya mine.” Kanji growled something she couldn’t make out and continued, “Do you even listen? Is anything at all getting through that thick head of yours?”

She turned to face him and grabbed him by his shirt. “And why would I choose  _you_  over Yu-senpai?” She let venom drip from every single word. “Why do you think you’d be the better man? Why do you think I’d even bother noticing  _you_?”

Her intent had been too hurt him. His smile made her stomach churn. He slowly leaned into her, letting the hand gripping his shirt pull him closer to her. “How about because I don’t _intent_ _on_ treating you like the next girl down in my little harem? Or how ‘bout because you’ll know, without doubt, I’ve not even looked at another girl since you came to Inaba?” Kanji had inched ever closer to her, and the hand Naoto had gripping his shirt shook. “Yer tellin’ me, ya only want to be noticed by self-absorbed  _senpai_  who bang an’ dump ya? That’s not very smart, is it,  _Detective Shirogane_?”

She flinched at his words. They hurt, not only did he have a point, he was flat-out right. It had been bad enough to realise she had been used. Realising she had been used and had only been one of several, that was what had hurt the most. And she knew she craved someone’s attention. She craved to be the centre of someone’s world. Craved not being alone, not ever again.

And now… now someone else tried to be that someone.

Naoto’s eyes held his gaze. Their argument had both of them heated, his generally constricted eyes widened as he watched her.

Naoto felt her other arm move up and she grabbed the hair along his neck roughly. “And you think,” she now purred, “that you’ll manage to measure up?”

His smile was almost feral. “Well, how about I show ya?”

She felt his hands grab her tightly by the waist to lift her, and she jumped, wrapping her legs around his hips as he turned towards the stairs.

 

* * *

 

 

With their immediate desires quenched, Kanji’s hand running along her sweaty side felt strangely unwelcome. What had lead them here had, at the time, made her feel like she was driven by good and logical reasons. Or, at least if not based on logic, then based on her need to find relief.

The idea of throwing herself at someone as a source of such relief had not crossed her mind ever before, and as he gazed at her she felt uneasy about the deep emotion she now saw. It looked similar to what she had seen in Yu’s eyes after their first night together… and yet it was different. It made her stomach clench tightly. It made her shudder.

“Ya cold? Maybe… maybe wanna have a shower now, eh?” Kanji smirked a little at her as she shifted uneasily, looking away. “How ‘bout this.” His hand came up to her chin and turned her slowly to face him. “Ya go get washed up an’ I’ll set out a futon an’ stuff for ya. Stay here tonight. We can sort out what… well.” He chuckled and blushed. “We can sort it all out… over breakfast perhaps?”

She nodded numbly and slipped off his futon, headed to the bathroom. In the hallway he caught her once more, hugging her to his chest from behind. “It will be all right now,” he whispered. “I just know it’ll all be better now.”

As Naoto slipped into the bathroom, slid the door shut and leaned her head against it, she wondered if he was right.

Or if she had just made an even greater mistake.

 


	3. ILYS - Chapter 8

After her shower, Kanji followed her into the guest room. His hands lightly ran along her body and she stiffened as he nuzzled into her hair softly, as his nose trailed down the side of her neck, nipping once more at one of the many marks he had left on her skin. As much as she had wanted – or thought she had wanted – him about an hour ago, now his closeness felt uncomfortable. The heat was gone and he seemed to want to be close all the time.

Kanji had laid out a futon and a large t-shirt of his. Said he would leave his door open, so she wouldn't feel weird on her own. "An'... ya know... ya wanna come over and snuggle..." He trailed off and she saw the shadow of his arm lift as he scratched his neck as he chuckled softly. "Just, y'know, don't let ma catch us." With that he kissed her once more.

Naoto let him, too tired and confused to resist. As he pulled away, she let her eyes ander over his scratched shoulders and chest, saw the rough bite at the base of his neck which she had given him at the last moment… But she carried very similar marks. She had dared to have him claim her. He had done his best to do so, she still felt the light burn down the centre of her back.

She should feel elated. She did not. She only felt used. She felt she had betrayed Yu, especially as Kanji broke the kiss, smiled at her, and left to his own room, looking back at her once more, almost hopefully.

She also felt she had been passed along. One man discarded her, the next stood in line to take his turn. And maybe…  This would be to be what it meant to be as a woman.

Naoto shuddered as she thought of Yu-senpai. He had needed to correct her at first, too. Fix her, make her more desirable before he could allow himself to take her soul into his care. That was why he had overlooked her at first she now realised.  

And Kanji... the moment he could, he latched on to her. Now it made sense. How he had followed her. How he had fed her. He wanted to guard his future claim. He wanted to ensure he was her next. And when tonight had brought her here, he took that chance. She had not even needed to taunt him far, all she had to do was challenge him.

Her stomach clenched painfully and she forced her eyes shut. This was too painful. This was too much. She needed to get away.

After their earlier activities, he was spent and it wasn't long at all before she heard his loud, deep breathing along the hallway as he fell asleep.

Naoto dressed herself in the dark. She needed to leave. Get away from here before he could rob Yu of even more of her. She needed to understand what happened. Why it had happened. ...why she let it happen. No. Why she demanded it to happen.

As her fingers slid from button to button on her shirt, she recalled their act. It hadn't been kind, romantic or loving. It had been almost brutal, each one of them trying to put the other into their place - whichever way that could be done. That is, until he stopped, nearing their end. He looked at her, and the snarl vanished from his face, if only for a moment. And he got that look Rise-san had often so adequately described as 'gooey'. His eyes seemed soft, his lips relaxed into a tiny smile and he leaned forward to nuzzle into her neck. He finished with repeated huffs of her name, and while it had thrilled her beyond measure while he climaxed, she now felt vaguely sick remembering it.

She left the futon folded up and slipped past his room in the dark, down the stairs - and walked into a person with a muffled scream. Her hand flew to her non-present holster and she froze, blinking into the light, as Tatsumi-san switched on the light.

"Oh, child, you gave me a fright! Why are you still awake? Is Kanji upstairs...?" She trailed off at Naoto's hushing sounds and gestures. Much softer she asked "Is he asleep?" And, after a nod, "And you fell asleep with him?"

Naoto half-turned to look towards the stairs. Tatsumi-san had invited her for dinner, but it was unlikely she had tried to invite her to sleep with her son. "N-No... Kanji-kun laid out a futon in the guest room for me..."

"...after you had a shower?"

"I was chilled after the rain, so I wanted to warm up before bed." She had already prepared that answer.

"Ah. Indeed. But then why are you...?"

Naoto pressed her lips together, half-turned once more, then looked back at the woman before her. "In the kitchen?" she whispered.

The older Tatsumi nodded and they walked into the kitchen, turning on the light there and extinguishing the one in the hallway. Kanji's mother took in the not-eaten curry, the forgotten, cold tea and turned once more to the cobalt-haired girl.

"Sit, child."

Naoto did so, and noticed his mother did not pull up a chair herself.

"Naoto-chan." She watched the girl flinch. "I trust Kanji. I trust you. Am I mistaken in that trust?"

The girl stared at the table. When presented with a challenge to her lie, she simply could not repeat it. "I-I... I apologize."

She chanced to glance at the woman. The faint glimmer of hope vanished from her eyes and she sighed sadly, closing her eyes. "You are children still... but I know that these days... Well."

"Please, Tatsumi-san... I... I don't know why..."

Tired eyes opened and gazed at her. The older woman pulled up a chair now, picked up one of the cups of cold tea and took a few shaky sips. "Was Kanji-chan... was my son improper?"

The young Shirogane’s eyes widened as she grasped the fear the mother had. "No! I... I fear... I fear I initiated it. I-I do not recall."

Silence hung thick for a while.

"But you look very unhappy, Naoto-chan," his mother observed finally. "Do you regret your first given to him?"

The girl laughed humourlessly... and started to weep. She franticly waved off as his mother started to her feet, wanting to approach her. "No, no, please... no... just... just..." Her pleading eyes watched his mother sit again, before she buried her face into her hands and she felt her inner dams break.

Naoto cried with deep, chest breaking sobs. She tried to curl in on herself, wanted to just become a speck of dust, tiny, adrift, unburdened. So helpless and deep was her sobbing she took a long time to feel a hand gently stroking her arm. Flinching away hard, she was still somewhat relieved that is was just his mother, not Kanji himself who had perhaps woken and tried to comfort her.

"Oh Tatsumi-san," she whispered hoarsely, "he was not ... was not my first. But if you ask me if I regret the first, then I do not know. And I do not know if I regret my second. And-And... and I do not know what it means..."

The older woman pursed her lips and watched her silently. Her eyes held quite some judgement in them, but she seemed to struggle to find words of her own. She simply stood, took away the tea pot and busied herself preparing a fresh brew.

And while she did, Naoto hid her face again and quietly sobbed, a mix of shame and hurt and fear boiling inside of her.

When a cup was placed before her, she could barely see it through the watery film of unshed tears.

"Did you wish to… do this? With ... with your first? Or with Kanji-chan?"

Naoto stared into her cup. The question was a simple one. A yes or no answer would suffice.

Had she wanted to sleep with senpai? Of course she had. She _loves_ him. She would want to do so again and again and the rest of her life. She was his, he had claimed her last Christmas as his. And yet...

"He, the first, he may have not... it may not have meant much to him." She squeezed her eyes shut, fighting more sobs as she voiced that truth. "And-And your son... may not have meant as much to m-me..." She forced herself to gaze up. "I do not even know why I ... why I told him I..."

Tatsumi-san lowered her gaze into her own cup. "Generally one worries that their son will do such a foolhardy thing. Sleep with a girl because she offers herself, not considering the consequences." When she looked up, her own eyes appeared moist. "He likes you, Naoto-chan. He likes you and would do anything for you. Including something so _thoughtless_ , if you seemed to desire it from him."

Naoto squeezed her eyes shut, feeling cold. Disgusted at herself she whispered, "I do not know why-" She hid her face in her tea cup and drained it. Hoarsely she whispered, "Is this what it will be like? Giving myself up for... for..."

"It does not matter. But he is my _son_ , Naoto-chan. And I will be... upset with you... if you lead him on or hurt him." The steel core in her words was something Naoto had never heard from the soft-spoken woman. The fear of her son being taken advantage of was certainly what changed her. Just as she would grow colder if she felt a threat to Yu. "You think there is nothing at all when you think of him?" The thread of hope in her voice pained the younger girl.

She avoided the answer. "I love senpai... that is, I love Yu-senpai. I do not care he has had others; I just want to be a part of his life. I would... I would even... I would forgive him? All he needs to say is that he wishes me by his side and I will be there, all I want is to be his, wholly-" She bit off further words with a choked sob. She wept a little while. When he tears died down a bit, she gazed up. "I do not know what to do. Please... can you tell me?"

At first the woman gave her a distant, measured gaze. "Oh child," Kanji's mother sighed, "no one but you can know your own heart. If you think you can win the man you love, find him. Tell him you love him. Wait for him to open his heart to you."  She shook her head. "I have always thought you as such a beautiful, calm, honest girl. I had hoped my son could... well." She dropped her gaze. "You should go to bed, child."

Naoto hesitated. This sounded like an invitation to stay the night. "You wish for me to stay?"

"Tonight, yes. Because Kanji wishes it." Her eyes held no warmth as she gazed up again. "You will not hurt him with this. And I would have you leave in the morning. If you cannot talk to him, I will speak to him about… this."

The younger girl nodded, her gaze firmly on the table. "Thank-"

"Go sleep." The older woman stood and left to her own room.

 

* * *

 

Naoto had waited once more till the house lay quiet before slipping out into the light pre-dawn grey.

She had spent the last few hours trying to make sense of it all. Of her obsession with senpai. Of her challenge to Kanji to prove himself.

She huffed. _Prove what, precisely? That he, too, was male and could satisfy me sexually? He did not satisfy my soul..._

It had meant nothing. It was a purely physical act. They had slept together, in a misguided ... something. She had no word for it. She had, truth be told, _bedded_ Kanji. Demanded him to perform and could not even say why she had demanded such. And in doing so, she realised with another stab of pain, done what she was expected to do as a female. Given herself to the man. Let him claim her, even though she had not truly desired him to do so. Kanji had-

Kanji. His confession surfaced again. His angry, demanding kisses as he told her he wanted to make her his. The second man who wanted to stake down his possessive rights over her. Had he a right to her, too, after last night? Had Yu?

Shaking fingers pulled out her phone. It was a quarter of an hour to five, but she needed to do this, needed to dial his number, needed his voice.

The connection tone sounded. Her heart started to hammer harder in her chest.

It sounded again. The rush of blood made her slightly light-headed.

And again. What would she even say?

When it sounded again, she prepared herself to be put through to his voice mail.

A click. "...ngh... Naoto? What time is it?"

"Senpai!" Her feet froze to the ground, trying to hold herself upright against the storm of emotions.

"Mh-yes... what is it? What happened?"

He sounded groggy. He might have been up late, studying. "I... I really needed to hear your voice, senpai..." There was silence from the other side. Maybe a sigh? "I miss you," she blurted out, "I miss you so much. I love you! It's just as I said, you hold a part of me and I hurt and I-"

"Naoto, now really is not the best time for this." His phone went muffled for a moment, then she heard him again. "Listen, Naoto..." He sighed. "We'll talk later, okay?"

"Okay... sleep well?"

"Goodnight."

"I lo-" the tone of a disconnected line was her only reply.

 

* * *

 

Sleep would not come. It was late morning already, and Naoto sat on her bed, her phone to her left. She gazed to her right. Algernon lay there, a random ray of light giving it a matte gleam. She was unsure when she picked up her revolver. Or why.

Had senpai been alone? Was someone with him? He... he had not said he loved her. He had not since Christmas, as a matter of fact.

The phone started to buzz. Again. She let it, tiredly gazing at the display, showing Kanji's identifier. Again. As the buzzing stopped, the display changed. Seven missed calls. Six… Seven voice messages.

Another buzz. Just one. Her gaze fell on the display. One text message. Kanji Tatsumi.

By now, his mother would have spoken to him. Would have told him the true character of their encounter last night. Would have told him that the girl he wanted was no good for her son. Would perhaps have warned him away. Whichever it was, she did not wish to involve herself. He tried to claim her. He only got her body. Her soul, starving, still felt the tether linking her to Yu.

Her eyes fell on her phone after the next buzz. Curiosity made her open her phone and select the text message.

> **_She's wrong. You're not like that. Naoto, I need you. Please answer. Please, Naoto!_ **

She stared at the message. Her thumb flicked to the next one.

> **_I won't let you slip away again. I won't! Talk to me, please!_ **

She snapped the phone shut.

Opened it again and tried to call Yu. She went straight to voice box, as she had in all of her previous attempts this morning.

One man would not take her calls. One man's she avoided.

As she went to senpai's voice mail yet again, she swallowed a moment of dizziness. He would not answer. She knew he would not. She had simply been used and replaced. And right now, she did not even care by whom. Whichever other girl there was here in Inaba, she had been replaced since as well, it seemed.

And Kanji-kun... she liked the boy. But her hopes that sleeping with him would indeed let him claim her had been proven wrong. She felt no more or less towards him than she had the previous week. If anything, it had only provided further evidence to her that she could only love the man who had used and dropped her.

She ignored continued text messages buzzing into her phone. By now, there were two identifiers. Kanji. And Rise.

Naoto placed her phone onto the bed and drew a slow breath. Breathing hurt, but she was not fully sure why. Possibly it had been too much crying.

Perhaps it was the sleeping pills in her system, or perhaps it was the reality that she had no more routes. She disappointed the adults, this time by trying to be the prize handed around between boys.

What did this leave her? She seemed to have lost Yu. She had lost the other girls. Yosuke-senpai was connected at the hip with senpai, so that was another lost connection. Dojima was likely to believe his nephew over her. And Grampa... what could she tell him? That in only half a year she had found herself going through two men for reasons of baser instinct? He would not even need to tell her to leave the estate. Her attempts to be more than her gender failed spectacularly and she was starting to accept it.

A shadowy voice echoed in her mind, asking _Where is that fabled reason to live now?_  

She was fully alone.

With one friend remaining, right here at her side with her.

A door banged open in the hallway outside as her right hand moved. Heavy steps barrelled down towards her door, where they stopped, replaced by fists pounding her door. "Naoto! _Damnit_ , talk ta me!"

The moment she loaded the chambers, she stopped hearing the second voice outside.

"Kanji-kun, no! Come on, please, you can't just-"

Her phone buzzed once more. One text message. Yu-senpai.

She let Algernon sink and, ignoring the hammering on her door and the shouts from neighbours outside, opened her phone.

> **_Listen, Naoto, we should talk. There's stuff I need to explain._ **

"NAOTO! DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS!"

" _Stop Kanji_ , really, I have a key!"

With tears in her eyes she finally dropped her phone, not even closing it, and picked up Algernon once more. The last thing she heard was the door breaking open, and the fraction of a moment as the revolvers' chamber fired.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and now you guys know why I first had to make sure I at least started publishing the Good End before I put this up...  
>  This is what the intended ending to ILYS had been, what I had hinted on in the comments section and what had been drafted before Ikasury took my toys away before I broke them.


End file.
